Grateful.

      I realize this post is late. As I read all of the social media posts during November, I myself felt that I needed to express my gratitude. I started this list, but it took me longer than I would have liked to complete.  30 blessings - for 30 years of my life, or 30 days in November, whichever you fancy.

     The happiness of being grateful is real. It's amazing what an attitude of gratitude does for you!  So, read it or don't, but I am grateful!

1.     I am so grateful to live in a country where I have the freedom to choose for myself.  Though it is far from perfect, it is divinely appointed!

2.     I am thankful for a beautiful home. I could never have dreamt that one day we would own such a grand house. We are so blessed, and so grateful.

3.     I am so grateful for my education, for the process of gaining it, and what it has taught me. I see and am grateful for the resulting blessings everyday.

4.     I am eternally thankful for the opportunity to serve a mission. What I learned in the process is priceless beyond measure, and the people I was blessed to meet have changed my life for better.  Halas vagyok Magyarorszagert.

5.     I am so grateful for Ken’s family. They have been my saving grace these last nine months. I am so grateful for their hospitality, their friendship, their acceptance, their love and their support.

6.     I will forever be grateful to my Heavenly Father for telling me no, and guiding me to my incredible husband. He knew far better than I what I needed, and He blessed me far beyond what I thought I could have. 

7.     I am grateful for my dear Ken. He is the best decision I ever made, and that I keep making every day. I love him more all the time, and I am so grateful for his patience, his love, his support, his longsuffering, and his fun-loving soul.

8.     I couldn’t be more grateful for my son. He is a precious little light in my life. His sweet little spirit lifts my soul and keeps me going. I am so blessed to be his mom. I am so excited to watch him grow, help him learn, and to be his mommy forever.

9.     I am so grateful for technology. I know that I couldn’t have survived this move across the country without it. It is so amazing to be able to talk to my family, have them see my son grow, and be able to keep up with my family and friends from so far away.

10. I am grateful for this beautiful earth we live on. I love nature, its peace and the joy I feel in reveling in God’s creations. I marvel at the painstaking care he put into this world where He sent us to live. He loves us so much to send us to this incredible world.

11. I am so grateful for my parents. Though we are a real family with all the problems that come with family, they are the best parents I could ask for. They know how to buoy me up, give me strength, calm my fears, and help me be what Heavenly Father needs of me. They never doubt I can accomplish what I dream, or what is expected of me.

12.  I am very grateful that my fabulous parents taught me the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I am grateful that they helped me keep the standards of the church, that they instilled in me the difference between right and wrong, that they worked hard to teach me responsibility and how to be a good member of society.

13.  I am very grateful for my brothers. I love them each so much, and I am so proud of the men that they are and are becoming. They are always there for me, they are incredibly supportive, and they give me a bad time. Love you guys!

14. I am grateful for my extended family. I have the best network of aunts, uncles, cousins, great aunts and uncles, second cousins, grandparents and my “adopted” family. I am so blessed to have such a close-knit family who loves me.

15. I am truly grateful for amazing friends. So much of who I am I owe to the angels embodied who have stood by my side, whether for a brief moment, or for years on end, I have been so richly blessed by those I am honored to call my friends.

16.  I am grateful for the principle of work. I have been blessed to have many jobs, wearing many hats. I love being a nurse, but even more, I love being a mom. While I have much to learn, work is such an important principle in life, and work is a great teacher!

17. I am grateful for my physical body. Though it is flawed, I am blessed with health.  I am so grateful for a Heavenly Father who created our bodies to function so well.  It is such a gift of God that we are endowed with this creation of a body to house our immortal spirits.

18.  I am grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I am so grateful for the Plan of Happiness, and my knowledge of it.  I cannot being to express my deep gratitude for the knowledge that I can be together with my family forever one day. Losing loved ones is not so despairing with this bright blessing of truth.

19.  I cannot express my gratitude for the blessing of a testimony of my Savior, Jesus Christ. I am so thankful for His life and His earthly mission, His example and His Atonement. I truly know that my Savior lives, that He loves me, that He died for me, and that through Him I can be made perfect and return to my Father in Heaven. My brother, Jesus Christ is my friend and my Savior.

20. I am grateful for the restored church of Jesus Christ on the earth today. I am grateful for my membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I feel overwhelmed with gratitude for the blessing of being “called to know the richness of His blessing.”

21. I am thankful for a fourteen-year-old boy, prepared by God, and courageous enough to ask the hard questions though prayer. I am grateful for the revealed truths that have come as a result of that boy, Joseph Smith, and each latter-day prophet who followed him. I feel so blessed to know that God still speaks to us today, in the form of His servants, the prophets and apostles of Jesus Christ.

22. I am incredibly blessed to live in a home where God’s priesthood power resides in my husband. I am thankful that this power was again restored to the earth through Joseph Smith by the wisdom of a loving Heavenly Father.

23. I am grateful for scripture, ancient and modern, restored and revealed. God so loves us that He has preserved His word to many groups of people that we can learn from it. I am so blessed to learn more about my Savior and my Father in Heaven, His plan for me, and the way He speaks to us. I am thankful for the Bible, The Book of Mormon, the Doctrine and Covenants, The Pearl of Great Price and for modern revelation to God’s chosen servants on the earth today!

24.  I am so grateful to my mom for all that she taught me.  Some things were very intentional: she taught me the gospel, to cook, to clean, to love children and care for them, to treat others with respect, to write thank you notes. Other things were more by example: to love my Heavenly Father, to love music, to enjoy reading, to love the arts, to enjoy the holidays (all of them), to pray and read my scriptures, to give thoughtful gifts, faith in times of trial, family loyalty, to honor my covenants, to love clothes, to love pretty things and to love nature. I am truly the woman I am today because my mother is who she is. I am her only daughter, and I feel so honored to hold the title. She is the best woman I know.

25.  I am so grateful for my dad. He has instilled in me so many important traits and concepts. I am forever indebted to him. He taught me to be an athlete- to throw, to run, to hit and to compete- NOT like a girl. My dad taught me obedience, courage, the value of education and a love of learning, perseverance, hard work, generosity, and probably the best thing he gave me: a sense that I could do absolutely anything I set my mind to, even if I had failed a million times first. No matter how hard dating was for me, he always told me that I was the kind of girl he would date- and he meant it. I sure love my dad.

26. I am so grateful for things I never learned growing up. I never learned to compare myself to other women.  Though it seems to happen regardless, I never learned to put others down in order to feel better about myself. I didn’t learn that parents should be my friends (though that has come in my adult years). I never learned that life was fair.  I didn’t learn how to quit, or how to back down. I never learned how to allow others to dictate to me how I feel about myself. I never learned that things would be given to me. I am as grateful for the things I didn’t learn as I am the ones I did learn.

27. I am really grateful that the Lord doesn’t allow me to settle too much into a comfort zone. Though it’s horribly painful each time He places me in new circumstances, I know that I need the remodel each time I am moved about. I’m grateful that the Lord moved me to Utah at 16, that He moved me here to Texas at 30. Who knows what else He has in store. I’m sure it will hurt, but I’ll be grateful in the end.

28. I am so grateful for my forgiving Father in Heaven. He is ever patient with me, so very persevering in His love and forbearance. I am grateful for His mercy and the principle of repentance. I am so grateful for the atonement.

29. I am grateful for always having enough. I have never truly wanted for anything really in my life. I am so grateful for the things I have. I am richly blessed with material things. I have so much more than I need, but I am truly grateful.

30. I am grateful for this season of gratitude and thanksgiving. It is such a fabulous segway to the celebration of Christ’s birth. I love the reminder to be grateful- it breeds happiness!

Dreams

The question was posed to me recently- “Are you living your dreams?” I think it was one of those divinely appointed perspective-attaining moments, the kind where your focus seems to pan out like the lens of a camera, allowing you to refocus from the harry details of the day to day, and see the whole picture of your life. Allow me to explain.

I feel that I have had the blessing of living my dreams. But the reality of a dream is very different from it’s inception.  Dreams have come to consist of fairy tale properties, lacking the certainty of defeat, set-back, tragedy and redirection.  As Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf put it, in his General Conference address Your Happily Ever After,

“Sandwiched between their “once upon a time” and “happily ever after,” they [speaking of the heroines in the plot of a fairy tale] all had to experience great adversity…In stories, as in life, adversity teaches us things we cannot learn otherwise. Adversity helps to develop a depth of character that comes in no other way. Our loving Heavenly Father has set us in a world filled with challenges and trials so that we, through opposition, can learn wisdom, become stronger, and experience joy.”

So, when I say I have lived my dreams, I’m sure people think that my little life was picture perfect. It indeed was not.

I have had many many trials in my life. Of course mine are what I can handle, and others are given seemingly greater challenges.  My journey to become a nurse included major set-backs like multiple rejections, repeating classes, two degrees, countless hours of studying, scary tests and well, nursing school itself.  And once I got to the finish line, I discovered that there were things about my dream that weren’t so very dreamy. But in the end, I love being a nurse, and I know it is my professional calling. Even my writing this, I am hindered by my sweet little one year old who wants my full and undivided attention. He’s even helping me type.  Dreams are not without hardship.

I have also observed that dreams do not effortlessly float into your lap. There is no fairy godmother who sprinkles pixie dust and everything falls into place.  Attaining your dreams is just like most of life: hard work and waiting.  Dreams aren’t often served up on a platter, especially not mine. When they are, I think we tend to appreciate them less. There is something in the toiling, the waiting, the struggle that teaches us, matures us and readies us for the coming responsibility.  Too many people I know throw out their dreams when they prove too difficult, or not exactly what they intended. That’s why the preparation, delay, and waiting is so important.

One of my favorite quotes is attributed to Gordon B. Hinckley, but really he’s quoting Jenkin Lloyd Jones, the newspaper columnist. The quote reads

“Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he’s been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just ordinary people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. . . .

Life is like an old-time rail journey—delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.”

Now doesn’t that evoke some visions of grandeur?  But, only occasionally.  Dreams are achieved little by little. Living them is the hard part.

I’d like to one day write a book.  I realize that this is a good idea in theory. At one point in my collegiate career, a writing professor of mine told me, “You wouldn’t know how intelligent you are by how you write.”  Was that a veiled compliment? I only heard that I couldn’t write. I changed my major.  (Now we know that was foreordained). It was years before I grew the courage to reengage in writing, and after much encouragement from my parents and others. Writing is challenging and a seemingly never ending process, but it is something I enjoy, a kind of soul catharsis.  But, writing aforementioned book will likely take years, and I have yet to really even start. Yet it is a dream.

As I live my dreams, of motherhood, of a family, of a happy marriage, of buying a home, it all looks so different than I had assumed.  That was the problem, though, I assumed I knew how the Lord would bless me with my dreams. Silly me. He wants to give me everything I ever wanted, but it’s going to look different, take time, hurt a little or a lot, and certainly require sacrifice and exertion. 

Remember the refocusing? The panning out?  When I stop, reevaluate and assess my life, I am living the beauty of my dreams.  But, I have to let go of the dirty kitchen, the stress of looking for a home, the loneliness of living half a world away from my former life, and enjoy my endearing one year old, my doting husband and my simple existence.  I have to focus a lot less on the fuzzy blades of grass, and see the panorama.

So, am I living my dream? I am. That's the funny thing about dreams, though. They seem to be colored differently in reality than they are in your mind. I think The Lord paints them. So, learning to enjoy His art is the one challenge of my dreams.

Aren't my dreams pretty?

Thirty.

30…

So, my twenties are over. And the way people talk, you’d think my life was, too! But, I’m not threatened by thirty, not one bit. And here’s why:

My twenties were pretty great. I accomplished quite a bit in my life.  I served a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and learned Hungarian to do it.  I studied at a great university, and had a ton of fun doing it.  I got two Bachelor’s degrees, became a nurse, and worked for a few amazing organizations in healthcare. I met and married my best friend, Ken Buley.  We traveled a little: I got to see Maui, Washington DC, Yellowstone and the Tetons, Disneyland and California Adventure, and San Francisco.  I became a mom (and gave birth, but becoming a mom was way cooler and less painful than giving birth), and now I have the best gift ever: my sweet little boy, Benjamin.  We even moved across the country to Texas!

I think the reason the number doesn’t bother me is that I don’t have many regrets. I have loved hard, and gotten my heartbroken. I have tried a good many things and failed at a lot of them, but I have tried! I have suffered, had hardships, been through trials of faith and come out better, stronger and more happy. I have made a good many mistakes, but I have learned so much about myself, and about life in the process that they feel almost like milestones rather than setbacks. I have been blessed to have amazing friends, and loyal family by my side, and I achieved all that I really wanted to achieve. I think that life has really been good to me.

And I have so much left to do: more children (not announcement, just a plan), our first house (coming Fall 2013), more making memories, more fun! I don’t feel old at all (until I talk to someone younger), I just feel right.

So, thirty isn’t so bad. I feel like I’ve earned it. Why stay 29 forever when you might miss out on the rest of what life’s next phase has to offer? There’s plenty more life left in me, and I am excited to take it on! Bring your best, Thirty! I can’t wait.

Berry Picking

I am unfortunately a week late in posting our Saturday adventure. Yesterday was very rainy, and we simply didn't adventure like we have been. But a week ago, I experienced some fun southern traditions- berry hunting and picking.

Now,  in Utah where I am from, we have lots of berries. And, my mother and grandmother are very gifted at making jams, etc. But, I have never had the experience of hunting for berries an picking them myself! Ken grew up with this berry tradition, but this was a whole new ball game for me!

The Berry picking crew- Christina and I are picking,

 Colby and Anya are using their weapons to try to ward off the treacherous invaders

Christina, Ken's cousin, and my new bestie, has been talking about berry picking since I met her (about 6 weeks ago). She claims that to find the Dewberries (I had honestly never heard of them until I moved here), you have to scout the blooms on the vine-like raspberry-esc plants, weeks before the fruit becomes ripe, so that you can find them again. Otherwise, these yummy little berries will be lost forever.

Dewberrys grow on the ground, like raspberries and are black looking, much like blackberries. The are sweet when ripe, and tart when they haven't yet matured. They are smaller than blackberries like raspberries, but taste more like a blackberry. They come with danger, though, because where these yummy berries grow, there also tend to lurk snakes...

We were undeterred, though, because like all adventures, you must be brave and courageous to find our treasure! We came equipped with poles, bats, golf clubs and other things to warn the potential vermin of our invading (and we didn't see a single snake). I did come out with lots of little thorns in my fingers and more than a dozen misquito bites. Alas! The things we do for yumminess.

The final result! Yummy!

Kemah Boardwalk

So, Ken and I decided that we are going to make the most of Houston! We can't be a good host/hostess for when you all visit if we don't know the lay of the land! Plus, we ought to have a little fun in our new home! So, we are going to dedicate Saturdays (as much a we can) to adventures and exploring Houston!

This week's installment is Kemah Boardwalk! Pronounced Kee-muh, this boardwalk is right on the mainland side of the bay. It took us about 20 minutes to drive there, and we just happened to go during the Crawfish Festival. It is a cute little midway or carnival style boardwalk, with an aquarium, shops, restaurants, a splash pad and rides/ games. Benjamin is too little to enjoy some of the fun, so we basically just explored, and another time we may indulge in some more of the activities.

Daddy and Benjamin on the splash pad

Catfish, Catfish and more catfish. This whole little place under the boardwalk was full of catfish. 

They even have little food dispensers to feed them.

Sailboats!

LOL. Had to take the pic.

Ever had crawfish? Me neither until yesterday. They were yummy! 

(who knows if we were eating them right?!?)

Benjamin and Daddy being dunces! So cute!

All in all, we had a blast! 

A little Texas for me...

We're here! We have arrived in our new home. It's been a very busy week. Let me hit the highlights...

- Benjamin learned to push himself up to standing
- Ken, my dad and two of my brothers: Nicholas and Jonathan drove the moving truck and our two cars from Salt Lake to Houston
- Benjamin and I flew down (by ourselves) to Houston
- Our family greeted us with open arms here
- Got introduced to one of the best parts of Houston (and Texas in general, as I understand)-THE FOOD!
- Ken randomly (or not so randomly) ran into the Stake Relief Society President
- The Elders visited
- Benjamin started to walk
- We bought a few new items to help us settle in- a TV, and a new dresser
- I got a pedicure, and an eyebrow wax
- I saw a darling school play- and Anya was great (Ken's cousin's daughter)

Needless to say, we are getting acclimated here. Ken and I keep saying to ourselves that it sort of feels like we are on vacation. But, we'll get used to it soon, I'm sure!

Blessings in disguise...

So, I have neglected my blogging world the last few months. Turns out, I’m not so good at this blogging game. But, due to recent events, I have felt like I should take it up again. Perhaps I will be better at it moving forward? Well, we’ll see.

The big news is already out: we are moving to Texas.  The long journey to find Ken a new job has ended in Houston.  And, it seems kind of surreal, that we finally have a destination, a place to be permanent. We have played the up-in-the-air game since we got married, and I have lamented over and over that I’d like to settle down, so I guess the Lord answered those prayers. Yet, He always seems to answer in a way that I never dreamed plausible.

It started when I was 16. My parents had moved my family to Mesa, Arizona five years previously. And through those tricky teenage years, I had struggled.  But, I had good friends, and I had just successfully completed a transition from Jr. high to a high school where most of the kids I knew didn’t go.  It was a growing year, but I had made great new friends, earned a starting spot on the varsity softball team (after a lot of hard work), had auditioned into one of the premier choirs (a huge accomplishment) and I even had a boyfriend.  But, this was the first time the Lord decided to challenge me- bigtime.

It wasn’t a shock that my parents decided to move. Our house had been on the market for two years. But, the Lord “blessed” our family that summer, and sent us back to Salt Lake City, Utah. And, I was devastated.

I remember unpacking the boxes in this new place, washing dishes in our new kitchen sink, and crying. My parents knew how hard this must be for me. Well, they thought that they knew, anyway. I had no friends, there wasn’t even a girl in my ward my age. When I started at East High, I thought I would die. Not only did I have no one to eat lunch with, there were two other new girls, both prettier than I was, so the new girl novelty wasn’t even there. And I felt so very alone.

The seminary theme that year was Proverbs 3:5-6. "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not to thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths." It gave me a little peace, but it also paved the way for me.

Now, let’s remember a few things here:  I did end up making the best friends I have ever had in my life.  I did wind up in the perfect situation for me. I am eternally grateful to have gotten to spend so much time with my dear Grandma, who I lost about eight years after that move. I attended the right college, I learned so much in our new ward, and I can honestly say, almost 14 years later, that moving was a huge blessing in my life. But, at the time, I couldn’t possibly understand how a Heavenly Father who loved me could do such a thing.

But, this scene has played out in my life quite a few times since then. That feeling of “What was the Lord thinking?” has been almost a familiar feeling for me. I have learned that the Lord loves me enough to not let me get too comfortable. He wants to challenge me, teach me, help me grow, and maybe even use me for His own purposes sometimes. But, the Lord is in charge.

He did it when my best friend got married early in college. He did it when He wanted me to get a degree in Human Development and Family Studies BEFORE I went to nursing school. He did it when He wanted me to serve a mission- in HUNGARY. He did it when he needed me to speak Hungarian, when He didn’t want me to marry the person I thought I should marry (thank heavens He did it then). He did it when all my friends were married when I got home from my mission, when He wanted me rely on Him to find a husband, when I was in a tough ward situation, a tough job situation, and He guided me elsewhere. And, He’s doing it now.

I am struggling to make sense of His current call to change. He wants my little family and I in Houston. In Houston, where in spite of having family (thank heavens- they’ll save me!), I know hardly anyone at all. He wants to humble me, to teach me, to guide me.

I know this is the right place, I feel peace about our move. I feel like this is the answer to our prayers, and like this is an enormous blessing.  I feel like this  job is the one for Ken, like we are getting a special chance to be around family we never thought we would.  And, the part of me that knows all of this is very excited.

But, the other part of me can’t help but be sad. I am leaving my home, my family, my dear friends, an incredible ward where I have thrived, and all my comfort! My son will grow up away from my parents and brothers, away from my friends' kids, and away from the mountains.  Admittedly, I have tried really hard not to think too much about it, because when I do, I just cry.

The Lord knows what He is doing. I had a plan, and He is fulfilling my plan, He is answering my prayers, He is blessing me. But He’s doing it in His way. Again.

Probably the best example of the Lord's blessings in my life. My sweet family.

Proverbs 3:5-6