The question was posed to me recently- “Are you living your
dreams?” I think it was one of those divinely appointed perspective-attaining
moments, the kind where your focus seems to pan out like the lens of a camera,
allowing you to refocus from the harry details of the day to day, and see the
whole picture of your life. Allow me to explain.
I feel that I have had the blessing of living my dreams. But
the reality of a dream is very different from it’s inception. Dreams have come to consist of fairy
tale properties, lacking the certainty of defeat, set-back, tragedy and
redirection. As Elder Dieter F.
Uchtdorf put it, in his General Conference address Your Happily Ever After,
“Sandwiched between their “once upon a time” and “happily ever
after,” they [speaking of the heroines in the plot of a fairy tale] all had to
experience great adversity…In stories, as in life, adversity teaches us things
we cannot learn otherwise. Adversity helps to develop a depth of character that
comes in no other way. Our loving Heavenly Father has set us in a world filled
with challenges and trials so that we, through opposition, can learn wisdom,
become stronger, and experience joy.”
So, when I say I have lived my dreams, I’m sure people think
that my little life was picture perfect. It indeed was not.
I have had many many trials in my life. Of course mine are
what I can handle, and others are given seemingly greater challenges. My journey to become a nurse included
major set-backs like multiple rejections, repeating classes, two degrees,
countless hours of studying, scary tests and well, nursing school itself. And once I got to the finish line, I
discovered that there were things about my dream that weren’t so very dreamy.
But in the end, I love being a nurse, and I know it is my professional calling.
Even my writing this, I am hindered by my sweet little one year old who wants
my full and undivided attention. He’s even helping me type. Dreams are not without hardship.
I have also observed that dreams do not effortlessly float into
your lap. There is no fairy godmother who sprinkles pixie dust and everything
falls into place. Attaining your
dreams is just like most of life: hard work and waiting. Dreams aren’t often served up on a platter,
especially not mine. When they are, I think we tend to appreciate them less.
There is something in the toiling, the waiting, the struggle that teaches us,
matures us and readies us for the coming responsibility. Too many people I know throw out their
dreams when they prove too difficult, or not exactly what they intended. That’s
why the preparation, delay, and waiting is so important.
One of my favorite quotes is attributed to Gordon B. Hinckley,
but really he’s quoting Jenkin Lloyd Jones, the newspaper columnist. The quote
reads
“Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is
going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he’s been robbed. The
fact is that most putts don’t drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up
to be just ordinary people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of
mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than
otherwise. . . .
Life is like an old-time rail
journey—delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only
occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to
thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.”
Now doesn’t that evoke some visions of
grandeur? But, only
occasionally. Dreams are achieved
little by little. Living them is the hard part.
I’d like to one day write a book. I realize that this is a good idea in
theory. At one point in my collegiate career, a writing professor of mine told
me, “You wouldn’t know how intelligent you are by how you write.” Was that a veiled compliment? I only heard
that I couldn’t write. I changed my major. (Now we know that was foreordained). It was years before I
grew the courage to reengage in writing, and after much encouragement from my
parents and others. Writing is challenging and a seemingly never ending
process, but it is something I enjoy, a kind of soul catharsis. But, writing aforementioned book will
likely take years, and I have yet to really even start. Yet it is a dream.
As I live my dreams, of motherhood, of a
family, of a happy marriage, of buying a home, it all looks so different than I
had assumed. That was the problem,
though, I assumed I knew how the Lord would bless me with my dreams. Silly me.
He wants to give me everything I ever wanted, but it’s going to look different,
take time, hurt a little or a lot, and certainly require sacrifice and
exertion.
Remember the refocusing? The panning
out? When I stop, reevaluate and
assess my life, I am living the beauty of my dreams. But, I have to let go of the dirty kitchen, the stress of
looking for a home, the loneliness of living half a world away from my former
life, and enjoy my endearing one year old, my doting husband and my simple
existence. I have to focus a lot
less on the fuzzy blades of grass, and see the panorama.
So, am I living my dream? I am.
That's the funny thing about dreams, though. They seem to be colored
differently in reality than they are in your mind. I think The Lord paints
them. So, learning to enjoy His art is the one challenge of my dreams.
Aren't my dreams pretty?
