So, I have neglected my blogging world the last few months.
Turns out, I’m not so good at this blogging game. But, due to recent events, I
have felt like I should take it up again. Perhaps I will be better at it moving
forward? Well, we’ll see.
The big news is already out: we are moving to Texas. The long journey to find Ken a new job
has ended in Houston. And, it
seems kind of surreal, that we finally have a destination, a place to be
permanent. We have played the up-in-the-air game since we got married, and I
have lamented over and over that I’d like to settle down, so I guess the Lord
answered those prayers. Yet, He always seems to answer in a way that I never
dreamed plausible.
It started when I was 16. My parents had moved my family to
Mesa, Arizona five years previously. And through those tricky teenage years, I
had struggled. But, I had good
friends, and I had just successfully completed a transition from Jr. high to a
high school where most of the kids I knew didn’t go. It was a growing year, but I had made great new friends,
earned a starting spot on the varsity softball team (after a lot of hard work),
had auditioned into one of the premier choirs (a huge accomplishment) and I
even had a boyfriend. But, this
was the first time the Lord decided to challenge me- bigtime.
It wasn’t a shock that my parents decided to move. Our house
had been on the market for two years. But, the Lord “blessed” our family that
summer, and sent us back to Salt Lake City, Utah. And, I was devastated.
I remember unpacking the boxes in this new place, washing
dishes in our new kitchen sink, and crying. My parents knew how hard this must
be for me. Well, they thought that they knew, anyway. I had no friends, there
wasn’t even a girl in my ward my age. When I started at East High, I thought I
would die. Not only did I have no one to eat lunch with, there were two other
new girls, both prettier than I was, so the new girl novelty wasn’t even there.
And I felt so very alone.
The seminary theme that year was Proverbs 3:5-6. "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not to thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths." It gave me a little peace, but it also paved the way for me.
Now, let’s remember a few things here: I did end up making the best friends I
have ever had in my life. I did
wind up in the perfect situation for me. I am eternally grateful to have gotten
to spend so much time with my dear Grandma, who I lost about eight years after
that move. I attended the right college, I learned so much in our new ward, and
I can honestly say, almost 14 years later, that moving was a huge blessing in
my life. But, at the time, I couldn’t possibly understand how a Heavenly Father
who loved me could do such a thing.
But, this scene has played out in my life quite a few times
since then. That feeling of “What was the Lord thinking?” has been almost a
familiar feeling for me. I have learned that the Lord loves me enough to not
let me get too comfortable. He wants to challenge me, teach me, help me grow,
and maybe even use me for His own purposes sometimes. But, the Lord is in
charge.
He did it when my best friend got married early in college.
He did it when He wanted me to get a degree in Human Development and Family
Studies BEFORE I went to nursing school. He did it when He wanted me to serve a
mission- in HUNGARY. He did it when he needed me to speak Hungarian, when He
didn’t want me to marry the person I thought I should marry (thank heavens He
did it then). He did it when all my friends were married when I got home from
my mission, when He wanted me rely on Him to find a husband, when I was in a
tough ward situation, a tough job situation, and He guided me elsewhere. And,
He’s doing it now.
I am struggling to make sense of His current call to change.
He wants my little family and I in Houston. In Houston, where in spite of
having family (thank heavens- they’ll save me!), I know hardly anyone at all.
He wants to humble me, to teach me, to guide me.
I know this is the right place, I feel peace about our move.
I feel like this is the answer to our prayers, and like this is an enormous
blessing. I feel like this job is the one for Ken, like we are
getting a special chance to be around family we never thought we would. And, the part of me that knows all of
this is very excited.
But, the other part of me can’t help but be sad. I am
leaving my home, my family, my dear friends, an incredible ward where I have
thrived, and all my comfort! My son will grow up away from my parents and
brothers, away from my friends' kids, and away from the mountains. Admittedly, I have tried really hard not
to think too much about it, because when I do, I just cry.
The Lord knows what He is doing. I had a plan, and He is
fulfilling my plan, He is answering my prayers, He is blessing me. But He’s
doing it in His way. Again.
Probably the best example of the Lord's blessings in my life. My sweet family.
